“It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.” -Dave Barry
“I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That’s a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slammed the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick?” -Mitch Hedberg
“Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.” -George Carlin
“Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.” -Jack Handey
If you find yourself struggling to light a gasoline lantern, then you didn’t read the instructions. Step one: fill the tank. Trying to light a lantern on an empty tank is like trying to drive your vehicle away on an empty tank, impossible.
I was at a birthday party and my aunt put a trick candle on top of my cousin’s cake. You know what I’m referring to, the kind of candle that refuses to extinguish no matter how hard you huff and puff. (And no matter how much you spit on the cake others are required to eat.) These candles are great additions to camping supplies. When you’re down to your last match, light one of these tricky candles and no matter how long it takes you to start your campfire, your candle won’t blow out due to the wind.